11th Post Bonanzo-Spectacular! (Or An Update On Things That Are Stuff)

Crikey O'Reilly, it's been a little while.

So between work, Mass Effect 2, and having an actual life, I've not had much time for my internet life. Please accept my sincerest apologies for my shameful neglect, blog readers.

So what's changed since I last posted? Well, we Brits celebrated (I use the term loosely) 60 years of having the same wrinkly old bag sitting on a posh chair in a big house in London. Now, you may get the idea from the wording the used that I'm not a massive royalist, and I think you'd find the majority of the population aren't really bothered about old Queenie. Unless she's giving us a couple of days off work, then suddenly it's all flag-waving and street parties.

Love you really, Ma'am. Please don't put my head on a pike.

The England football team proved once again that we're mediocre at the majority of sports we invent. Which is why we're constantly thinking up new ones with impossibly complicated rules that nobody else can understand. Like cricket (which we suck at), or bowls (which nobody else plays). 

It's kind of like in America, where they hold world championships without involving any of the rest of the world (looking at you NFL and MLB). Except we still manage to lose occasionally, because we're just that special. We don't mind though, we always go into international sports with the attitude that we're just happy to be involved. It's not the winning, it's the international relations, or some shit like that.

 ......Yeeeaaaaah.....

On a more personal note, I've ventured back out onto the clubbing scene, as a special treat to Bish for his 21st. Actually ended up having a cracking night, despite the only thing I pulled being my left knee (which still hurts a week and a half later). That's not why I go clubbing though, I go for the cheesy music and excuse to jump around like a lunatic. I don't get the whole thing about people going to clubs to pick up a girl (or boy). Just enjoy yourself, take the pressure off, chances are people will like you more if you're not trying to mate with them.

Just today I rediscovered that I actually had a Formspring account. I know right? Anyway, turns out I used to use it a fair bit, so if you fancy a chuckle at my semi-insane answers to a load of weird and wonderful questions, or even have some burning questions to ask yourself, feel free to head over to here. If anyone poses a question I feel needs a detailed response (or a thorough ridiculing), I might even make a blog post about it.

That about wraps it up for me tonight, hope you're all ok, and greatly relieved that I am in fact still alive. See you around the interpipes, biznitches.

~Flynny

The Inmates Are Running the Asylum

........I'm Batman.

I've come down with a rotten case of the coughing and spluttering everywhere, so I thought why not write up that review of Arkham Asylum I promised?

(Top 10's, what top 10's?)

Anyhooooo

Yeah, it's dark and rainy the WHOLE time.

Arkham Asylum starts off with Batman capturing the Joker. Yeah, no catch, nothing out of the ordinary, it's possible to believe the game might actually be over after the first minute or so of the opening cutscene. Luckily though, RockSteady thought they'd make the rest of the game as well.

Arkham Asylum is filled with all the villains you could think of from the Batman series. Now, I'm not a massive Batman geek, but after finishing this, I really wish I was. The amount of extras you can find hidden throughout the game is substantial, and a lot of them unlock nifty things like character bios or trophies, which you can then go on to view at your leisure. The bios include all the villains backstories, vital stats, and even the colour of their hair (if they have any, looking at you Mr. Zsasz)

Don't call him Baldy...

I guess I should probably give you an idea of the gameplay, if you haven't already played it, which you should have by now, let's face it. Batman is packing his usual array of gadgetry, allowing him to blow up weak structures, rip vents off of walls, zipline across courtyards, and grapple up towers like he's frickin Spiderman or something. 

The much-vaunted combat system definitely delivers on the hype. I was skeptical at first, I'm not usually a fan of fighters, but this system allows you to effortlessly string together combos, without making you too invincible. Button-mashing doesn't work, as the combat is mostly based on timing and context. Oh, and see those guys with the guns? Don't think you can just land in front of them and take them out all-fists-blazing, Alfred doesn't have enough  material to stitch you back together.

You're full of how many holes, Sir?

As far as combat goes, it can get a little repetitive. You get roughly two types, clobbering a bunch of bad guys hand-to-hand, or swooping amongst the rafters taking out the armed baddies one by one. Luckily, the atmosphere and the storyline keep things from getting tedious. Although you may eventually get fed up with hearing the Joker taunt his own henchmen as you pick them off, there's not a whole lot of different lines of dialogue there.

As I mentioned earlier, this game is chock-full of collectibles. The most plentiful of which are the riddler trophies, which are hidden in every corner, and in plain sight as well. Even after I finished the story I carried on playing to get as many of the damn things as I could, it's surprisingly addictive, and hearing the Riddler himself get more and more wound-up as you find them is good for a chuckle or two.

Nowhere to run, you sneaky lil bastard

The undoubted highlight of the game is the myriad villains, ranging from Joker and his trusty assistant Harley Quinn, to the big-hitters like Bane and Killer Croc, and the outright pointless, like Dr Zeus and Calendar Man. If you ever wanted to find out more about the Batman Universe, this is definitely the way to go about it. There are plenty of mini-bosses and big boss fights to switch up the pace a bit as well, so you don't get too comfortable.

It's not the longest of games, and the only replayability is to find the trophies, if you're that way inclined. There is also a challenge mode, which takes individual aspects of the game and throws you up against a time-limit or several waves of baddies, but I haven't really played around with it much so I can't pass judgement. 

Overall though I would recommend it as a purchase for Batman fans and gamers alike. Plus it's out on platinum release now, for dirt cheap, so no excuses for not buying it if you haven't played it yet. You hear me? Good.

I've started Arkham City today as well, it's even more awesome, but that's for another day.

Ciao!

~Flynny

Clarity, and A Near Death Experience

Well, that was an eventful weekend.

The good news is I have joined the ranks of the speccies. Four eyes are definitely better than two, especially if your two don't work too well. I can't believe I managed to go so long seeing the world all blurry. It's not just going from SD to HD, it's like going from Atari to PS3.

.....Mum?

After upgrading my senses I jumped straight on a train to Kent to make the most of the perfect sunshine. The original plan was go down, meet up with a couple of people, head to the beach and end up in the pub. Nice, normal, safe plan. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

So after an uneventful train journey and wading through the crowds, we made it to the pub. So far, so good, having a nice time, shooting some pool, blissfully unaware that I would be ending the night fearing for my life.

A few really good friends of mine turned up in the pub, completely unannounced, which was a lovely surprise. One of them asked me if I wanted to head into Canterbury with them later. "No" was my instantaneous response. I'm not against clubbing per se, but some nights I just don't fancy being stuck in a stuffy room with hundreds of sweaty chavs. Might just be me.

This is on a good night

However, through a combination of peer pressure, nagging, and about 5 too many drinks, I grudgingly agreed to go. 'I haven't been for a while, and it's student union, so there won't be many chavs' I thought to myself. I was right, there weren't many chavs, in fact, I even quite enjoyed it for about 10 minutes. Then I saw the foam cannon.

Now, I understand foam parties are popular. I mean, who wouldn't want to dance around in a giant bubble bath? Plus it solves the sweatiness issue, so that's pretty win-win. This is all fine, unless, like me, you're a tad vertically-challenged. I'm by no means the shortest guy in the world, at a steady 5'10, but when it comes to foam parties, I never fare well. 

There are people under there

There is only one thing worse than getting foam in your eyes, it stings like hell, and you can't see a thing. The one thing worse than getting it in your eyes, is getting it in your lungs. Wave after wave of foam descends on you, you can't see, you can't breathe, all you can do is pick a direction and start trying to swim-move your way through the crowd just to live. Apparently, people enjoy this. I tend to prefer a little less risk of death when I go clubbing.

Although I will say one thing for it, it made my hair amazingly soft. I need that recipe.

So, not only have I been hungover most of the day (vodka redbull is not a good thing to tip into your snakebite). I've been coughing up more bubbles than Upton Park when West Ham actually score a goal (which is rare, lets face it).

Anyway, sorry for disturbing your pornography binge, you may resume at your leisure.

~Flynny

Wheatus Have Still Got It

Now, I'm not normally one for going to gigs on my own, but this is Wheatus. A band I remember growing up with from age 11. I wasn't going to miss it for anything. Boy am I glad I went.

Yup, from the day I found out they had for some unknown reason decided Bedford was a stop on their tour I was mega excited. I mean, come on, who didn't love Teenage Dirtbag growing up? What? Get off my blog, don't return until you know all the words to Truffles.

Not many can pull off the 'constipated and loving it' look

On the night, the guys rocked it, completely. I have to admit I had my doubts when a guy who looked like he was on the run from the hairdressers guild turned up holding an accordion. It's an unusual opening for a band that people have heard of. Anyway, turns out the guys name was Corn Mo, and he's got a hell of a voice. Oh, and he's funny as fuck.

Meet Corn Mo, don't stand too close

The second support act, Math the Band, didn't really connect. They had energy in abundance, to the point where they made a lot of noise and nobody had a clue what was happening. Which is fine if you're into that sort of thing. At one point the guy handed his guitar to a girl in the front row, just so he could be a little bit more mental on stage. She didn't have a clue what to do, and actually looked a bit scared, bless.

So after the tornado of noise blew itself out, we were treated to some rapper, sponsored by a fast food chain. I think his name was McLars, or something along those lines. He came to the stage with a projector and a laptop, confessing straight away that he dealt in 'laptop rap'. Didn't go down too well at first, but he soon redeemed himself with a succession of witty, well written tracks. He's well worth looking up if, like me, you don't mind a bit of the old hippety-hop, but you're prone to calling it hippety-hop.

McLars. The hat's glued on, so don't even try

Now, I realise by now that most internet people will be looking at pictures of cats with hilarious speech bubbles. So if you're still reading, congratulations, you win at life.

When Wheatus finally hit the stage they made an announcement that is pretty much any live music fans wet dream. "Hey guys, we don't have a setlist, shout out a song and we'll play it!" They ended up playing all but one of the songs off their first album, as well as a couple of newer songs and 'My Name is Jonas'. When they got round to playing Teenage Dirtbag I was there, right at the front, rocking my socks off, or something like that. I felt like I was 12 again.

Well worth the lack of sleep and subsequent hangover at work today.

You can go back to pirating films now.

~Flynny

Sunday Night Drivel

Hey hey kids, and adolescents, who knows, maybe even adults?

After last nights nightmare scenario with the football, I have spent the day discovering Batman: Arkham Asylum. There's been people bugging me to play it for yonks, and I finally gave in. So glad I did. I may be reviewing it after I've finished it, so watch this space.

My thoughts exactly, Brucie

Other than that it's been a fairly uneventful weekend, I'm upgrading the world to HD as of next weekend, finally getting a new pair of specs. My last pair thought they would stay on a train long after I got off it, traitorous bastards. So I've gone the last 3 or 4 years not quite knowing if I recognise people more than 10 feet away or not, which has led to a few embarrassing situations, to say the least.

Also, went to see The Dictator yesterday, I tell you what, I wasn't expecting it to be anywhere near as good as it was. I'm a big fan of Ali G and Borat, but Bruno didn't really connect. This is Sacha Baron Cohen back at his best though, the man is not scared of anything. Genuinely full of proper belly laughs, go and see it. NOW! I'll wait.

Admiral General Aladeen commands you!

So that was my weekend, I'm now settling in to watch the start of a new series of Family Guy (for us brits anyway). No doubt I'll be posting again some time during the week, so see you all then, try and stay out of prison!

~Flynny

Spiked Underpants Are a Pain in the Arse

If I can manage a post to live up to that gem of a title it will be a minor miracle.

Don't give me that look, beardy

So there I was today, bored out of my skull, thinking I'd just have a quick look to see if anybody was actually reading my inane ramblings. Turns out, they actually are. Well, either that or they're just looking at the pretty pictures, either way, hello, nice to meet you, thank you for taking a few minutes to read my irrelevant, occasionally ranty posts.

Speaking of rants, I was half an hour late for work today, thanks to the world's most inconsistent bus route. It's suddenly become acceptable for 12-minute interval buses to be 10 minutes late and rammed full of people so they can't pick Flynny up and get him to work on time and cause him to rage internally because he's too god damn laid back to shout at people or cause a fuss or even complain politely!

Aaaaaaand breathe.....

You don't want to hear about the minutiae of my daily life though, that's not what this blog is about, is it? I hope not, to be honest, I don't even know myself. I have had a neat idea for some sort of regular thing though, I want to post a Top 10 list of whatever the hell I feel like once a week. I give it 3 weeks before I give up, any takers?

Guess what I'm doing, go on, guess. Nope. Nuh-uh, watching drunkards in fancy dress watch huge men throw tiny arrows at a piece of cork? Third time lucky I guess. 

You know, fancy dress has always intrigued me. Ordinarily, you wouldn't see Elvis sharing a pint with a man in drag pretending to be Madonna, or maybe you would, Elvis was pretty rock'n'roll after all. I just saw 4 guys dressed as crayons. Crayons! How the hell did that conversation go? 

'Steve, fancy going to the darts?' 

'Sure Dave, but only if we dress up' 

'Cracking idea Steve, what shall we go as?' 

'I dunno Dave, superheroes seem a bit overdone, have a look in your kids toybox when you get home and see what you come up with'

They were all out of  naked Action Man

You really couldn't make it up.

Anyway, this has gone far enough. Keep reading, it really does make me smile.

~Flynny

Growing Up Sucks

Travel. Work. Eat. Work. Travel. Eat. Faff. Sleep. Repeat.

When you're younger, you think you have all the time in the world, that growing up and getting a job is something stuffy old people do. Then you hit your 20's and leave education, and shit gets real.

Now I'm not in any way complaining about my job. I actually enjoy doing it, and it gets me by. What I don't like is the way all my time just seems to get sucked into this vortex, I can coast through weeks without really ever noticing anything. I spend pretty much all day every weekday engaging with a screen of some kind. Not because I want to, but because there's very little alternative for me.

I'm hoping now that it's the middle of May I might be able to get out a bit more in the evenings without having to put on my armbands first. There's nothing like a refreshing walk when you're bored out of your skull.

Not that I'm a loner or anything, but I don't really know anyone local to me here in Bedford. I grew up in Kent, lived there between the ages of 5 and 18, made friends for life there, and I'd move back in a heartbeat if money were no object.

Unfortunately it is, so here I am. Blogging. I mean, that's great news for you, obviously, you get my pearls of wisdom to peruse at your leisure. But I miss the days where I could just ring my mates and go and drink cheap nasty cider on the beach in the middle of the night. I miss just walking through town and seeing people I knew, setting up impromptu gatherings, playing poker.

Growing up sucks, but at least I still have my immaturity. Penis.

~Flynny